Peace Corps: Peru...Finally

Relating to a pregnant dog

2009-09-05T09:39:00.000-07:00

Why you ask? As I sat in my town plaza yesterday I ran into my dog, Estrella, who was recently knocked up. She was surrounded by 6 male dogs, one of which was fighting off the rest of them. It appeared as though he was protecting her as every time another male dog came close to her he began to lick her crotch. Suddenly, I felt sad. My dog looked sad, tired as if she just wanted to scream, ¨LEAVE ME ALONE¨. I thought to myself at least she has someone protecting her but she seemed worn out by him as well. All these dogs were swarming around her barking and growling, I looked at her and she looked at me and we felt each other´s pain. It doesn´t matter what I do in this country good or bad, people will continue to talk about me. I can cure cancer and I´ll still be whatever it is they think I am. I am not going to lie, I have fought it off for a while but recently it has started to effect me. I´m getting over it though. I´ve never felt so sorry for Britney Spears...

Sisters

2009-08-27T10:16:00.000-07:00

I have a sister...she´s older and we´re not that close for various reasons. I have a brother also and we are close, although, we were only raised together for 6 short years. I am the youngest. So I have pretty much been alone all of my life. Recently, I have been spending a lot of time with my host family. I have three younger sisters and a little brother. My sisters call me Manita (sister) and say that I am their older sister. It makes me feel good and it makes me nervous. I am a role model for three young girls. I´ve never been a role model but I think I make a damn good one. Recently I took them to the Hermanos Yaipen concert (a Peruvian cumbia band) and we had a blast. I will spoil them till the day I have to leave Peru and that day their will exist an emptiness in my life that never would have existed otherwise. This makes me sad, but I will deal with that when the time comes.

Things have been so clear to me lately. Am I growing up, finally? Or is the hard knock life setting me straight. Whatever it is, I like it. Recently, I´ve been thinking about how Americans, as a culture have to analyze everything so much. When is it too soon, when is it too late? We second guess oursleves too much. The latine culture is the complete opposite. They just say how they feel all the time, even if it´s too soon, even if it´s harsh. I don´t agree with either culture completely but we have to be capable of finding a middle ground, right?

Looking up...

2009-08-19T11:49:00.000-07:00

I presented my community diagnostic to my mayor, boss and some other folk today. I was ridiculously nervous and didn´t get any sleep last night. That being said....it went GREAT!!! Better than I could have ever hoped or imagined. My mayor agreed to support me on building a micro-landfill for the community which may not mean anything to those of you that are reading this but is a HUGE success for me. I am happy as a pig in shit. What this means is that I am doing my job and hopefully will see some results when my two years are up! I am happy...

Contemplating...

2009-07-03T08:56:00.000-07:00

I have been doing a lot of that lately. Just sitting around, thinking. About Peru, about politics, about humanity, love. Ugh...things are so difficult when you have a brain. Don´t get it twisted...I am sooooo happy right now. Really. I´m 27 and things are changing rapidly. I had coffee with a girlfriend this week while I was in Lima and it reminded me of my reality. It reminded me that no matter how much I try keeping true to my identity in my site, I am not who I am while I am there. I´ve done a good job of assimilating but maybe too good of a job. So good that I have forgotten who I am. I am the kind of person that likes eating fancy dinners and spending too much money on shoes. Does that also mean that I can´t be a good volunteer? I love my work, I love the people I live with and I truly do love living this life. I do not regret for one minute leaving behind all of my luxuries but am I missing something?

Sorry it´s been so long...

2009-06-29T10:10:00.000-07:00

Well, it has been ages since I updated my blog. My apologies to my five friends and mom who actually read this thing. J Where do I start? I can’t really remember how I left off so I will start where I know best. My grandmother passed away on May 17th. I received a phone call early that week from my mother who informed me that my grandmother was found in her nursing home room unconscious. She was rushed to emergency and put on life support. She was in a coma. We waited a couple of days to make the decision when the doctors told us she was not coming back. I arrived in New York on May 16 and the following day I accompanied my mother, her brother and sister and my grandfather to the hospital to say goodbye to my grandmother. It was her choice not to be on life support. We respected her wishes. It was hard but it was harder seeing her in pain the past few years. She’s in peace now. I was only in New York for a week and then I returned to Peru. For the record I will be back for Christmas! My mom and I actually had planned her trip to visit me the following week so she accompanied me back to Peru as planned. My mom was here for 18 days, during that time she had the chance to visit where I live and we also went to Cusco, walked the Inca Trail and saw Machu Picchu. The four day hike on the Inca Trail was a great experience but I can say with almost complete certainty that I will not do it again. It was hard! Let’s just saying climbing a mountain at 14,000 feet isn’t exactly a stroll through the park. None the less, the experience was great. Things are good over her in Peru. Life is pretty normal although slower than I am used to but I think it’s time for a change. Work is also moving along, slowly but things are finally starting to happen. I am happy. I’m not going to lie and say I don’t miss my family and friends but it has become easier over the past 9 months. I know, it’s been 9 months, crazy!!!!! I will admit, leaving New York while I was there for that brief visit was surprisingly easy. Perhaps I have become accustomed to my simple life in Peru. On the other hand, my mom leaving Peru left me crying for several days and with a huge hole in my life that I have yet to occupy. It’s alright because she plans to visit again soon. So, in short, things are good. I don’t know what more to say. I am in the middle of starting some micro-landfills at the Elementary school so when I get that started I will keep you posted with pictures and news. Until then….it’s been real J

My real life

2009-03-03T08:25:00.000-08:00

In what I like to refer to as my real life I would never eat ice cream at 10 AM. I also would never eat a large, wonderfully seasoned pork steak with potatoes and hot sauce at 10 AM but I have done each of these things. I have abandoned all of the social norms I hold near and dear to my heart since I have been in this country and it feels good. It´s like eating desert before dinner, it is so bad but sooooo good.

On another note, I thought I would share all of the interesting things that have been going on in my life lately. Well, just as I thought I had experienced every type of cat call humanly possible I was cat called by a man peeing on a wall in broad daylight. I know, you are probably thinking how offended I must be but really it was one of the funnier things I´ve seen lately. What a loser! My second encounter was less friendly and less funny. As I was walking to the Polleria (chicken spot) a regular Sunday ritual for me, I crossed by some friendly neighborhood assholes who of course began with their cat calls. Much to my surprise, just as I turned the corner, almost out of their site one of them screamed- PERRA! Yes, a perra is a female dog but not in the way us North Americans politely refer to women as bitches but rather a very harsh insult which I am still not totally sure of the definition. As I returned home I asked my roomate what the word meant, she looked at me and asked why. When I told her someone had called me it she was appauled. I was insulted and didn´t even know it. Oh well. Ok, lastly, I pretty much thought that after the young man who politely pissed and whistled at me nothing could really compare, oh boy was I wrong. Monday afternoon I entered the English class that I teach three times a week with the exam in my hand. One of my students is the son of a host cousin. I am in love with this little boy, he is adorrible and his story is really sad. He lives in a place with no water, no electricity and no mommy. His mom abandoned him and he is living with his father who is a really nice guy. So I sit down next to my favorite little student and realize that he does not brush his teeth. When I ask him if he does, he readily admits that he doesn´t and instead chews coca every day because according to his father that is better for dental hygiene. I told him that I wanted him to tell his dad to buy him a toothbrush and toothpaste and he agreed. After this short conversation he whispered in my ear that he had to tell me something. He told me that his father sends his regards and he wants to know if he can take me out with his son sometime and if I could please forward my phone number with his son that would be great. WHAT????? You just had your six year old son ask me on a date? So cute, so hysterical, absolutely did not give out the number ;) Such is life here. I´m a celebrity and I never knew it.

Other than that, things are coming along rather well, finishing up my community diagnostic and getting ready to present at the meeting in two weeks.

P.S. Going to harvest the corn this afternoon with my family....just another day!

Sunday Morning...

2009-02-22T08:09:00.000-08:00

This morning I am walking around like it is Sunday Morning and rightfully so, it is Sunday. I know half of the shit I write on here the average person would not understand but this blog was never meant for that person to understand, it was meant for my friends and family to understand. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Ok...that was ridiculous and pointless. This week was long and is still not over. I was in Pisco, a city an hour and a half away from where I live for three days doing some work. I came back relaxed for a day and then came back into my capital city to have our departmental meeting. Which in fact, always proves to be interesting because it´s the time of month that I get to reunite with 14 of my favorite Peace Corps Volunteers. I hope you can understand where I am going with this...I am currently feeling like poop. Last night was Saturday...today is Sunday. Ok, now that we have gotten that over with. I am good, still in Peru. I never really have anything interesting to say on this blog. This week I am planning on finishing up the diagnostic I have been doing about my community. Then I want to set up some meetings to talk to people about starting a trash program. Yup....I live in Peru :)

Middle Class Guilt from a Hotel Room Balcony

2009-02-03T12:49:00.000-08:00

I´ve been thinking about this for a while now. I feel bad. Most of the time for being middle class, for having the opportunity to work a good job, to study, to travel, to buy expensive shoes. I feel guilty. People want to see the world, but they don´t realize the sad reality that exists underneath it all.

Taking six months off from your hollywood job to travel latin america does not make you an expert on this reality. This reality is cold even when it´s hot. These people spend all of their lives searching for something that will help them provide a better future for their children. You spend your whole life searching for someone elses reality. Doesn´t it seem so ironic. These people whose reality you need to know so badly would give their lives to escape this reality but none the less you need to see it. You need to see it, so that you can sit around with your educated friends, the ones that have traveled the world and talk about all of the sadness that exists. Or better yet you can watch it from your Hotel Room Balcony.

Things are actually good, all the while I am getting old

2009-01-21T12:15:00.001-08:00

Contrary to popular belief, things are going well. As I´ve written/said a million times, this is hard, harder than I had imagined. More often than not I use this blog as a place where I can vent, mostly about how crazy this place is making me and from now on I will try to use it to portray the positive aspects of my experience as well.

My hardships do not take away from the fact that every day I walk through my barrio and smile at the sounds of little Peruvian children screaming my name begging me to teach them English (which I will be starting next week, by the way). I had a meeting on Monday in one of the Caserios (towns) in my Municipality. The people were really great, warm, receptive. I thanked them for accepting me in their community and joked that I love to eat, if they could please invite me over I would greatly appreciate it. They loved it!!!

I have a new vice to add along to the long list I already have- Inca Kola (a Peruvian Soft Drink that was bought by Coca Cola a few years back- google it)

I live in a primarily agricultural community. We grow everything from: Pecans, Peaches, Lucuma (Peruvian fruit- google it), Cotton, Corn, Watermelon, Mango, Avocado, and GRAPES. Oh, the infamous grape. The grape apparently, according to most Peruvians, is a great detox. As far as I am concerned the grape has officially become the most toxic fruit I have ever encountered.

Ica (the department in which I live) is known for its grapes and its PISCO. For any of you that have tasted the delightfullness that is a Pisco Sour, you know what I am talking about. Otherwise, Google it. Pisco is a liquor made of grapes, as is Wine, as is Cachina (which I affectionately like to describe as a combination of Wine and Pisco). The grape is poisonous I tell you, I will not elaborate, I will let your imagination do the work.

My 27th birthday is tomorrow and I still cannot believe how quickly time flies. (I sound like my mother) I am spending my 27th birthday in my new home...sigh. It will be good. My roomate/host sister is throwing a Fiesta for me at our house. The invitees include: Friends, family and the Mayor, of course. Listen, when you live in East Bumble Fuck Peru being a Gringa automatically makes you VIP. :) I could have never gotten this type of treatment in NYC ;)

So that´s my life folks, cat calls, childrens calls, highs, lows, you name it, we got it right here.

A short one...

2008-12-30T09:01:00.000-08:00

I decided to take this opportunity to say something relatively positive about my life right now. The end of my night yesterday turned out to be worth it. I ended up accompanying the Mayor´s secretary to the office of the engineering company that will be working on the new water system in my community. After spending a little too much time talking to one of the more self agrandizing people I´ve met in Peru (the engineer) he offered me a complete diagnostic of the community I am living in. Score!!!! I returned to my house, popped a benadryl so that the 200 plus mosquitoe bites would not wake me in the middle of the night, said a little prayer and passed out. Woke up this morning and took it upon myself to crash a teachers meeting at the school and meet everyone and then the Chief of Police took it upon himself to make me his new friend. Things are looking up...

I think I can comfortably say...

2008-12-24T10:54:00.000-08:00

..that I am currently living in my own personal version of hell. I just don´t get it. Whoever said that I am living in a clean culture was full of it. Granted some families are very clean there are a vast majority who in my opinion just don´t give a shit. For example, there are waterbugs in New York but there are none in my house. Wanna know why? Because I am fucking clean and do not leave open tanks of water everywhere. That´s why!!!!! I am currently living in my new site and can also say that I am miserable. I just want to hide in a corner and cry but there´s no hiding in this country because I´m the tallest, whitest thing for MILES. I can´t even write this blog anymore because I seriously might have a nervous breakdown. There is no water. I am dirty. It is about 100 degrees here. I am black with dirt and cannot wash any part of my body. I am going to go now before I really lose it. Oh yea...Merry Christmas by the way.

Completely unrelated to the Peace Corps...

2008-12-14T14:52:00.000-08:00

I have feelings that exist outside of my experience in the Peace Corps...I think. I have already talked about sacrifising peices of my identity to assimilate to this culture. I am currently on cultural strike. I will not eat a ton of rice, I will not sacrifice my almost 27 year old body because you do not understand the meaning of POCO!!! I don´t know what´s going on right now in my life. I might not be staying at my current site for much longer and I am really conflicted about the whole situation. The reason they are contemplating moving me are very good but I can´t help but feel guilty about the situation. I don´t know, unfortunately, I really don´t have much to say. I miss my mom, my dad, my nephews and neice, my family in Lima, my friends in the states, my friends in the Peace Corps, my friends in the World...etc. Leaving Lima was really difficult and I look forward to returning.

Site visit...

2008-11-21T17:42:00.000-08:00

I'm not even sure what I am supposed to say whenever I write these things. Do I fill them with all of the silly little anecdotes experienced in my daily Peruvian life, do I bore y'all with the awkwardness that comes with being an American in a different culture, or do I share the multiple personalities I have encountered within myself in the past 8 weeks. I really don't know. As a solution to all of the above I have decided to share what is in my heart which quite honestly is the only thing I know how to share.

As I have mentioned before there are lots of ups and downs in this journey. What I have learned this past week is that not only is my experience a means to an end but it is also a life changing experience. I'm not sure I am the same person and I am expressing that only after 8 weeks. Which means in all reality I probably will not even recognize myself in 2 years.

My friends here are amazing and I honestly do not know what I would do without them but I guess I am about to find out. I don't think I am allowed to tell you where I will be living for the next two years but I will tell you this....it's far from where I am now, it's hot, and there's malaria. I am moving next week and I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared SHITLESS but I'll be fine and I know that.

My new home is amazing and the people are great. There is a lot of work to be done and all I can do is hope and pray that I make a difference in this community. I don't have many pictures because I was a bit camera shy when I first arrived but here is a pic of 2 out of my 3 brothers...

Back from Paracas...

2008-11-02T15:13:00.000-08:00

I spent the past week in Field Based Training for the Peace Corps. WatSan's training took place in the Department of Ica which is where the last major earthquake in Peru was. A year has passed and the distruction is still very evident. It has taken me a full 24 hours to process what I saw.

Our hostal was in a town called Paracas which is set on the beach. The whole experience was amazing...really it was. We had the opportunity to work with an NGO- Tierra de Hombres and UNICEF. It was really quite cool. We had a lot of contact with the members of the community and all around had a really great experience.

This whole experience in the Peace Corps has so many ups and downs it's crazy. A week can pass that is perfect and I can be so happy and one morning I wake up and things are different. I can't understand it. There are so many obstacles that one must face when living in a different country, experiencing a different culture, etc., but there are some things that one shouldn't have to experience. I have given up a lot in Peru. I gave up a lot to be here and I have given up plenty since I have been here. Parts of my identity that really make me who I am and I am still happy. I know it may not seem so by the tone of this blog but I am. It's just that there is a line that needs to be drawn at some point. Right? I draw the line between my personal and professional life, as I always have. My writing in the this blog is cryptic for ridiculous reasons but if we are friends most likely you already know what I am talking about.

On a totally different note, I returned on Saturday night and my family had no idea that I was coming back. When I walked in the house they were more than thrilled that I had returned. It felt soooooo good because I had missed them so much. Maybe that's why I feel like this...because it's almost over. I don't know. My little sister even went so far as to make a sign and put it on my door. I think I almost cried when I saw it.

Well, now my little sister is standing above me begging me to play with her...so I have to go :)

Today...

2008-10-18T20:03:00.000-07:00

Every day is different, I guess as most days are. Today I have a headache. Spent some time at the Casablanca today which could basically be described as a small farm run by an old Peruvian couple one of whom graduated from Cornell. Crazy shit! I mean literally crazy shit! The farm has run off energy from guinea pig shit for the past 14 years. I don't think I have mentioned this before but Peruvian's eat guinea pig's. They are called CUY. Cuy shit is also very useful. It can be used to cover up the smell in the latrine's, in making compost and in being turned into a gas for energy. CRAZY SHIT!!!! Anyhow, after the farm we went to lunch at a place in Chaclacayo which has subsequently become my favorite Cebiche restaurant. Delicious! Hung around for a while afterwards eating cake and drinking beer. It's always nice to hang out with good friends. We have a lot of fun. My emotional compass is way off lately and I can't pin point it. I don't feel home sick. There is nothing outstanding about Peru that makes me uncomfortable...what is it? I wish I knew. Maybe I am lying to myself. Maybe it's something that is right in front of my face. I don't know. All I do know is that it will pass. Anyhow...blah blah. La la. I'll attach some pictures :)

Keepin it gangsta...

2008-10-08T20:12:00.000-07:00

I would like to preface this entry by saying that I can already feel a little piece of myself becoming lost....

Today was a "feriado" (holiday), in other words, there was no training. Although, the Peace Corps did bless us with language interviews today. Of course I was nervous. I do have to say that my Peruvian family was incredibly supportive. God bless them. My mom even made sure I ate before I left for my interview.

It was a beautiful day today. The weather was incredible. I went to my interview at 12 and was done a half an hour later. I went back home to collect some of my things so I could meet up with some friends for a little outing in Chosica, a town I affectionately refer to as Disney Land. As I was walking back to the training center to meet my friends I made the decision to blast my ipod the way I would if I was on my way to work in the city. Gangsta Rap, Dance Raggae, Hip Hop... AMAZING. It's something I haven't done in a month and when I did it I felt this sense of relief. I had recovered a "pep" that was missing in my step.

I try to explain myself to my family as often as I can. I want them to know who I am. I don't want to lose my identity because I have nothing to be ashamed of. I express myself in the most diplomatic ways possible and I am happy that I have made this decision.

I love the Peruvian culture. I love the way my family likes to hear what I have to say. I love listening to my Peruvian parents, about their epoca (time). I love learning their values and how they feel about the world today.

I refuse to lose myself to the shock that comes along with a new culture. Today was a good day. A really good day. I relaxed with good friends, bought turron (pastry) for my family, had a lovely dinner with my family and topped off the evening watching home movies of my little sisters. Today was a really good day.

Sometimes you have to make yourself vulnerable in order for people to have confianza (trust) in you. Become vulnerable, let down all guards, put yourself in a place you thought you would never go but never lose yourself.

Field Trip!

2008-10-01T15:22:00.000-07:00

Today WatSan (Water Sanitation) was blessed with the opportunity to go out into the field. The field basically consists of being dropped off in a town and being told to investigate a water system. Clearly, I am not an engineer by any standards but it gave me the chance to see an actual water system and how it works. More than that I was really impressed by the amount I learned just simply getting the chance to interact in the community and get some real hands on experience. It was refreshing really.

Back on the flip side in what I like to call ¨real life¨my grandmother is in the hospital and not doing so well. All I can really ask for are some prayers. It´s weird cause these things are expected from old people, right? I guess my main concern is that I have a father that´s no more than six or seven years younger than my grandmother. Will this happen to him also? Who know? No sense in really worrying about it. I´ve been keeping busy so it´s easy to push these questions to the back of my mind.

Other than that, things are going relatively well. Had a lot of fun today on the field trip, rocking out on the bus, bringing back the old school if you know what I mean. Making some really great friends here. Lots of time to think which is lovely. Clarity is really important in all of this. Lots of clarity.

Three letter words

2008-09-22T21:02:00.000-07:00

I just returned from watching a futbol match and I am feeling kind of funny. I think it's only natural to feel very high for only a temporary period of time, eventually, you have to crash. I am crashing...kind of hard at the moment. Not sure why I feel this way. I just hope I wake up and this feeling doesn't exist anymore. All I can say is that I am low right now...

Saturday in Lima

2008-09-21T07:45:00.000-07:00

To be perfectly honest I wasn't all that excited to be visiting Lima. My philosophy is that I already live in a big city, why do I want to be bothered by the hustle and bustle of another one? I joined the Peace Corps for several reasons. One reason, albeit it a very small reason, was that I really wanted to get away from the first world. Lima is hectic- McDonalds, Starbucks, Dunkin Donuts, KFC, bums, hustlers, bootleg products, etc. Things I can definitely do without. I would like to visit again just because there are definitely some more places I would like to see, otherwise, Lima can stay exactly where it is. I missed Huascaran while I was gone. I missed my barrio with its dirt roads and lack of proper lighting and the parade of dogs that are constantly harassing me. I began thinking, I already had to deal with the anxiety that comes along with separating from my family and friends in the states and in just a short ten weeks I am going to have to deal with the trauma of leaving a place I have grown to love and miss in just one short week. Bizarre.

Early Morning

2008-09-12T02:42:00.000-07:00

Well folks, it's not even 6AM and I am getting ready for the long adventure that lies ahead. I just wanted to thank everyone for all of the prayers, I am feeling much better and a special thanks to Mucinex...lol

See you in Peru :)

On the road again...

2008-09-10T18:56:00.000-07:00

I arrived in DC yesterday afternoon after spending two weeks with my wonderful mother and friends in Fresno. I pretty much spent the entire two weeks preparing for the Peace Corps. Although, my down time consisted of: spending time with my mom and good friends, eating good food, swimming, camping, fishing and wine tasting. It was a lovely break.

Yesterday I met some Peace Corps Volunteers almost as soon as I checked into my hotel. Really cool people. Went out for some dinner and then sat around at chatted about life, llamas and the possibility of owning a horse in Peru. I am currently in bed after day one of Peace Corps Staging (AKA Orientation) and guess what....I'm getting sick. I am praying that I will wake up in the morning and feel like a different person but I'm not sure at this point :(

Orientation was from 1-7. It wasn't all that bad and the time seemed to fly by pretty quickly. There are 40 some-odd people in my group which was really surprising because I only expected about 15-20. My mistake, I guess. Everyone seems really cool and dedicated. It was a refreshing experience to be around people who have similar interests. And guess what? There is someone from Fresno in my group and I love him already :) Tomorrow we have staging at 8:30 AM to 6. AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Then the following day it's off to Peru. I can't believe this day has finally come. Well, good night for now. Pray that I wake up feeling better.

xoxo

Last days...

2008-08-07T12:26:00.000-07:00

Well, I am a week and a day away from leaving the job that I have been doing so well for two years ;) It's bitter-sweet as a co-worker and I described it just a few minutes ago. Almost like graduating from high school...you'll miss the friends but not the school. As those close to me know the journey to becoming a Peace Corps Invitee has been ...well, challenging at times. I will not bore you with the details of what went wrong because it's just not worth reliving. What matters most now is that it's almost here.

I will be leaving New York on August 24 to go spend some time in California with my mother and friends before I depart on September 10th to serve as a Peace Corps Volunteer for 2 YEARS!!!!! I created this blog so that I can keep my family and friends updated on my life abroad. I look forward to sharing stories and photos with everyone. Feel free to leave comments :)